A really bad night and how I overcame it

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."
– Anne Frank

 

If you've read my last two posts you have probably gathered that my mental health is, for lack of a better term, shit and although in my blog posts I try and keep a light heart and I try to be humorous, sometimes I honestly just can't and I want to be real with you and with myself. I can just about function on medication (I still suffer anxiety attacks and bouts of depression that are just dulled slightly) but without medication I would crumble. To cut a very long, depressing story short I'm in the process of transitioning to a new medication that will stabilise my mood and help me sleep at night as my last medication ended up doing more damage than good and I'm having a fucking hard time with it all.
Two weeks ago I lost my father to cancer, he was 51 years old. He was ill for a very long time and in the early afternoon of Thursday 27th of July he passed away. I won't talk about this much because it's a whole other story that I'm nowhere near ready to even think about delving into, if ever, but with that and the sudden change in medication I'm getting really bad side effects and the cruelest and most violent nightmares that I wake up from feeling completely sick to my stomach and feeling scared of going to sleep at night.
Sometimes I don't take my night medication until the early hours of the morning in fear that if I sleep too long I'll be haunted by more of these horrific things. I won't go into what the nightmares entail because I feel like they are too dark for this corner of the internet and if I'm honest reliving them would be unbearable. That's just a fraction of how I'm feeling and what my mind is going through as of late so here are a couple of things I try and do to improve my mood if I feel up to them.

• A cup of tea, healthy breakfast and a lie inIf these bad nights occur on the weekends I make sure I give myself a lie in, stay in my pajamas and make a decent breakfast or brunch depending on what time I decide to emerge from my bed. I don't eat meat so I don't have the typical bacon sandwich although if that makes you feel better then you do you! I usually have porridge and some fruit or I make 'healthy pancakes' with maple syrup and I always have a cup of tea (death before decaf) and I'll either read whatever book I'm currently into or a watch an interesting documentary whilst checking my social media accounts. I find that doing this brings me back in touch with reality and keeps my mind occupied so I don't start falling down the dark whole of analysing my mind and getting in a paranoid, anxious state which then leads to panic attacks or can on a really bad day lead to self-harm.Healthy banana pancakes recipeIngredients:1 whole banana230g oats120ml milk (substitute this for almond or soy milk for vegan pancakes!)1 tbsp peanut butter (optional)Strawberries and maple syrup (or your own topping of choice)Method:Put all your ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth, pour small amounts into a pan with some cooking spray or oil and fry until brown. I like to cover my pancakes in fresh strawberries and maple syrup but you could add whatever you fancy! Enjoy.
• If you have the option, cuddle and play with your petsStudies show that playing with your animals can reduce your stress levels and anxiety and who doesn't want to spend time with animals? Animals are so pure, innocent and so damn cute that I feel a lot (not all) of my worries melt away when I'm cuddling them, playing with them or feeding them. I have two rabbits, Clementine and Pearl and a cat, Parsley, and sometimes on my worst days when I just haven't managed to get out of bed and I'm in a massive state, my cat will come and lie down and put his head on me and (call me a crazy, single animal lady – I am) it really feels like he understands how I'm feeling or wants to help. There's something so therapeutic about these silent creatures. Spending time with fur babies will definitely improve your mood and if you don't like animals then what the fuck are you doing on my blog?

 

Let me know if you tried the healthy pancakes recipe and also what you do after a bad night to improve your mood!

 

Thanks for reading,