How to: Self-love

“Treat yourself the way you would treat a small child.”

 

Self-love is a long, winding road that you never stop traveling down throughout your life and yes, you hit some bumps in that road. To love yourself doesn’t mean you’re narcissistic or cocky, it means that you’ve accepted your flaws and you appreciate every part of you knowing that nobody is perfect, inside and out. It means treating yourself with kindness, patience, care and respect. It means not beating yourself up over things that you can’t control and celebrating tiny victories that you achieve even if it means getting up and showering. It is completely personal and different for everyone and it takes time.

It’s no lie that I’ve been going through a rough patch lately, my mental health has been pretty shitty to say the least and I lost my Dad three weeks ago to cancer, his funeral was Friday. I’ve been feeling pretty much defeated by life, kicked in the ass a bit too hard to come back fighting this time and I haven’t felt great about myself. In my experience, when feeling defeated, sometimes you need to let yourself be defeated for a day, a weekend, a week. Giving yourself time and patience to heal is so important. People may say it’s best to get up and keep going and that’s fine but 1. you may not physically be able to because you’re so depressed and 2. sometimes forcing yourself can do more damage. Getting up and keeping going might work for some people but it just isn’t for me and it may not be for you and that’s fine. Part of self-love is recognising what works for you and telling yourself that yes, you’ve been knocked down but you are dealing with a lot and doing the best you can and that’s so fucking commendable.

When you’re going through a rough patch like this, you do whatever you want or need to do to survive. Don’t burn yourself out because no matter who you are everyone has their limits. I know from experience that burning yourself out by overworking or trying too hard to do the things that you just can’t deal with can cause so much more damage in the long run which is so hard to bounce back from. You wouldn’t force a small child to bounce back when they’ve had a really bad time. You’d run them a bath, get them warm pajamas and read them a book so run yourself a bath, get them pj’s on and read your favourite book! It’s that simple but you have to install it into your brain.

 

“Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to.”

 

My favourite ways to self-love:

• Every week I write down three things about myself that I like. Sometimes I write them down mentally, sometimes in a notebook which is better because you get to read back through all your good bits and bask in your greatness. I have so many things I dislike about myself but I pay zero attention to them and I focus on the things that I’m happy with. It can be physical parts of you, personality traits or even random things e.g. 1. I like my lips 2. I like my sense of humour 3. I like how I do my eyeliner. The more you write your positive parts down, the more you’ll notice them in yourself and the easier it will get to let go of the negativity and focus on those things that make you a sexy motherfucker (it’s true) and maybe you’ll start seeing them daily instead of weekly.

 

• Self-care is something I wrote about in one of my first blog posts and it is something that is extremely important to me. Loving yourself means you care for yourself. This can mean eating healthily, shoveling down a pizza that you’ve been craving, treating yourself to something you’ve wanted for ages or just taking more naps. I can’t stress enough how caring for yourself on the outside can do wonders on the inside, it shows you that you’re worth being cared for and being loved and seeing as I’m a single cat/bun lady I have no one to do it for me so I love myself!

 

• Be patient with yourself. Loving yourself takes time, I went through years of breaking myself down and not liking myself but I was my own worst enemy and I still am sometimes, you aren’t going to love yourself every day and that is fine too. Life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, trust me and nobody in the world is perfect. We’re all only human so do your best and remember that you’re worthy of love whether you think so or not and if you’re going to take anything from my crazy ramblings then take that and plant it inside, let it grow flowers and let yourself bloom.

 

• Finally, don’t let the bastards get you down. It doesn’t matter if people don’t like you or love you, I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I don’t lose a wink of sleep over it and you shouldn’t either. What I’m trying to say is that someone not liking or loving you does not change the fact that you deserve to love yourself. My honest advice is to never bend for anyone whether you think it will get you that job. keep you that partner or maintain that friendship. Never compromise who you are, let that shit go. Be you, only then can you truly learn to love yourself.

So now it’s your turn. Tell me three things you love about yourself
no matter how hard you may find it, I challenge you.

 

Thanks for reading,